struggle against the soul

"mixture of feelings. when too many things happen around you, related to you. when you are slowly not able to handle your emotion in certain situation when you suddenly realized that you fail to do so many thing throughout your life when you feel like you do not know how to face these amount of tests from Him childhood until now." "you try to speak your heart but some just straightly compare you to other person and pointing that you should be like her without even trying to listen and understand" "when you know that you are not deserve to be in you what you are today" "because you want to do the best for all the people you love the most them. but you failed to do so." "you never blame Him because He knows best. but at some points you confused mainly towards yourself" "you only have Him and only He knows you" is it an early sign of depression? just hope it's not too late

warning: ada content yg agak tak best. tp inilah realiti. "office i ok tp kurang satu je. takde perempuan cantik. semua dh makcik2, kerani pun muka ....boringla ofis" "s**** a**** tu pegi salam tgn boyfriend dia. jaga2la imej bertudung tu. tak padan" "eh tapi derg dah bertunang kan? taktaula tp pd saya, tak salah dia nk salam tgn tunang dia" "jom pegi trim kening. aku punya dh mcm ape dh serabut" "i dh tgk movie twilight. masa part derg nk buat benda tu, dh potong byk .dlm movie sekejap je. i dh penah baca novel dia, panjang gila novelis describe" "takpela kan kitorg ckp psl ni. pengetahuan ready2 be4 kawen" gelak2. "aunty(cleaner office) kata dia nmpk bos ofis atas tgh raba2 dgn staf dia masa lunch. aunty kata perempuan tu dh kawen. klu aunty jd suami dia, dh lama aunty ceraikan. ape punya isteri." "apela aunty tu pun nk kisah. hal org lain.bukan dia pun yg tanggung dosa. biarlah org nk buat apa. ...

long but worth reading. love this one: "...Mata aku dah lain, telingaku dah lain, lidahku dah lain dan hatiku dah lain. Aku melihat benda yg sama tapi aku tak nampak benda yang sama lagi. Apa guna kejayaan dan kekayaan jika tak ada Allah di sisi kita..." Ramai yg bertanya kepada aku "Macammana Gaza bang?" Dan aku sedar yang aku terpinga pinga nak menjawab soalan itu. Nak kata "Ok", aku dah tengok kehancuran di sana. Nak kata "Tak Ok" aku dah bertemu dengan orang orang yang paling berani, paling peramah, paling mesra, paling bertaqwa, pendek kata orang paling indah di dunia. Mereka sentiasa tersenyum apabila menyambut kita setiap kali kita bersua m uka dan tak perlulah kita tanya samaada senyum mereka ikhlas atau tidak kerana tidak ada kesinisan di jiwa mereka. Raut wajah mereka membayangkan satu ketenangan yang sangat saya rindui. Ketenangan yg terpapar di seluruh Gaza. Walaupun serpihan bom merata rata, aku rasa seperti...